I resolved to be more candid on this blog in 2012. I am not a naturally open person, especially when it comes to sharing with the web, but I also realize that my life and my work are closely tied. And if you have followed my life and my work for any amount of time than you will see a difference in the past several months. Four months ago we moved my oldest son into a residential group home and his absence from the candid shooting of my life has been obvious to some of you and I know you deserve an explanation. I think I have delayed that, knowing that the reaction of the web might be somewhat like the reaction of the rest of the world and I wasn’t ready to open myself up to that much vulnerability. Believe me when I say we had no other choice. Believe me when I say that the safety of our other children was at stake and believe me when I say that it has been the most trying time of my life. There is no parenting book that prepares you for this and no manual to read on how to survive it! But we have.
I am ready to put 2011 behind me and look into the future. We have slowly learned how to parent our son from a distance. We have slowly healed from the sadness and strange feeling of failure. We have seen the patient hand of God in our family as he completes His story for us.
I remember reading once about the extremely high divorce rate for couples with a severely autistic or disabled child. It is no picnic! But I walk through life with an amazing man. We made a joint decision (at a very young age) to adopt that little boy with special needs and shower him with our life. We have jointly decided that nothing has changed. He will be in my pictures less often, but he is forever ours!
Steve and I went away, alone, for a short trip to Paso Robles right before the new year. We did a lot a re-grouping and strategizing and loving. I think we both hate being in front of my camera and so I forced us to be in pictures and I’m glad I did. I only brought a 45m TS lens with me on this trip. The TS makes everything look a little imperfect, tilted and it is an effect that both annoys me and makes me love it. And it’s appropriate, my life *is tilted right now, slightly off kilter, but still beautiful. We are certainly not perfect, but by the grace of God and hopefully for his glory, we are PREVAILERS.
walking ahead.
A habit of not complaining, but the habit of giving thanks; the habit of not worrying, but a habit worshiping. The habit of repeatedly giving God praise that our lives might become a prayer. Small is always the leverage of large. It’s one moment after the other, the small moments that turn a life. It’s the small actions that can change a life – one after the other, one piled on another. –Ann Voskamp
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Elizabeth Lucht - Sarah, you.are.wonderful. Thank you for being so vulnerable. Your heart is truly on your sleeve and shows through your lens. You’re lovely. So glad you got some good away time and exercise time in w/ the hubs
Is that inappropriate? No…nah, i think we’re good.
kellie - love you. love these images. love the t/s. and yes, you are a prevailer, through and through. and girl, you are a brilliant writer.
Alia Rolley - Thank you for being so candid and for sharing. You are absolutely right about how your personal is tied to your professional. Your personal pours into and drives your creativity. Your emotions pour into what you do. They feed the way you see things. What you said rings so true for me as well.
Our oldest is undiagnosed high functioning autistic. That is neither here nor there but that has allowed me to meet many other families with kids with some form of ASD and to understand how intense the battle can be. You guys made a hard choice but God made you his parents for a reason! To love him and do what is best….
Now as for not being in front of the camera- not OK. How am I going to ever know if I run in to you al Wal Mart or Starbucks if I don’t see you here?! I like the use of the TS lens a lot! Very artsy choice.
I look forward to more posts this year!
Monika Eisenbart - Wow thank you for sharing and opening yourself to the world. I can’t even imagine what you have been through. Sending warm wishes your direction.
Dayel - Lots of love and prayer support from NJ. We love you, Sarah, and your family is so dear.
Jessi - Grace and peace to you Sarah. You truly seek Christ, so I firmly believe that your decisions are trust worthy.
Life with kaishon - Every day i pray for him. And you.
keli - love this, love all of this. you are a brave and amazing mother, sarah. and your photography speaks volumes of the love you have for life and your walk with God. so amazing.
Kathie Mersereau - Dear Sarah and Steve…as I write this I have a tears in my eyes and a giant lump in my throat…I KNOW you both have worked long and hard with this situation….I send hugs and love to you both..stay strong..keeping you in my prayers…xxoo Kathie
mary - oh sarah, i had no idea what you’ve been going through. my heart hurts for you. these photographs are so beautiful and filled with so much emotion. i think the lens was a perfect choice. together with God, you will get through this. united and stronger for it. thank you for sharing and opening yourself up. hang in there. xo
mary - p.s. that quote is so very beautiful.
erika - I love that you’re letting the blog go more personal. You’ve always been a fantastic storyteller through your photos and I’m glad that you’re sharing bits of your own. I can only imagine that it will translate into more love from friends near and far. Plus an even deeper connection to your photography.
Just don’t go shooting your bathroom business…
sorry.
Karen Rosella - Sarah, thanks for sharing, we are praying for you and your family. You are an amazing mom and an inspiration in soo many ways.
ro ro - you know how much i love this one. i really do.
Claudia Robertson - Dear Sarah,
It’s impossible to read your blog and not feel emotional. You are truely a phenomenal Child of God, wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter and daughter-in-law. You couldn’t have worked any harder in meeting your son’s needs.
Thank you for the choices that you’ve made. Daniel seems to be a happy, silly, well-adjusted adolescent who feels very connected to his family. By all appearances he seems to have adjusted to his new living situation and the goup home seems to be wonderful. That’s because of you and Steve meeting his changing needs thoughout his life.
I think that you’re a phenomenal woman!
Love, Claudia